Wednesday, February 2, 2011

the funny thing...

I've noticed a funny thing in my life recently.  I don't quite fit in.  I exist on the edge of everything.  Today was my 6 year anniversary in being employed with the state.  When I first started, it was all new and amazing.  Now, it's old and sorta boring.  Nothing seems to fit anymore.  My clothes, my perceptions of the job, everything.  I feel like I'm in a box of some sort and have limited access to reality or am blocked from seeing what's around me.

after my birthday last week, I thought that some things would make sense and I would be able to go out and feel better about myself.  if anything, I feel more lost and alone than ever before.  My dad and step mom expressed concern and worry about me and want me to get out and meet people.  I agreed with them because I didnt want to fight.  I keep asking myself how do I fit in with people when I dont understand them.  I can talk to people about payroll taxes and business things but ask me to relate to people about normal everyday things and I am absolutely lost.

Well, I've rambled on for a while about my insecutrities a little.  Let me know what you thing, if anyone is reading my thoughts.

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