I've noticed that people who are totally in love with Obama's presidency and choices are also the ones who like the hand-outs and welfare give aways the government has available. Why do we (collectively speaking) allow people to get something for nothing just because they are American? I vaguely remember that you had to work hard to achieve your goals and dreams. I was always led to believe that you work hard, improve yourself, and everything will eventually come together.
At my job, working for the State of California, I've noticed there is a level of apathy and disgust at actually doing the job that we are paid for. And yet, when I work hard and try to make life easier, I get pushed back. Should I back off and change into the lazy state worker that the media tries to make people believe we all are? Or should I quit and live off the new governmental tab? Who knows anymore?
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
The strange place of being
It's kinda weird. I met this girl named Rachel a few years ago. She was someone whom I thought would be someone amazing to date. we went out a few times and everything was going good. She suprised me and bought me a 10 day subscription to World of Warcraft. We played together for a few days and her ex decided he wanted to be with her again. So I lost out on Rachel. But her gift was fun so I bought the full game with the two expansions and started playing.
I played alone for a few more weeks and somehow ended up in a guild (a group of players who hook up to play parts of the game that cant be done alone). In this guild was a young girl named Sara. She was the one who brought me in to the guild. We ended up becoming friends. At one point she did something really nice for one of my birthdays because I was feeling really alone. She has her issues, like most of us. The reason I am bring up this is because tonight when I tried to chat with her, she set me on ignore.
It hurts to have someone whom your played with and talked to for a few years diss you like she did. There, I just wanted to vent a little. Anyway, I'll write more this weekend.
I played alone for a few more weeks and somehow ended up in a guild (a group of players who hook up to play parts of the game that cant be done alone). In this guild was a young girl named Sara. She was the one who brought me in to the guild. We ended up becoming friends. At one point she did something really nice for one of my birthdays because I was feeling really alone. She has her issues, like most of us. The reason I am bring up this is because tonight when I tried to chat with her, she set me on ignore.
It hurts to have someone whom your played with and talked to for a few years diss you like she did. There, I just wanted to vent a little. Anyway, I'll write more this weekend.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Hacked
Well, I've been playing World of Warcraft for a few years now and I just got hacked again. I'm pissed because they cleaned me out and now I have to wait until my account has been reset to go on. I broke down and bought a security device so now I have to use it to play. I'm very sad and pissed.
Sometimes I dont know
Hi all. Sorry for the delay in getting this out. It's been a very difficult time for me recently. Still, I chug along. I'll write more tonight after I finish all my work chores and have a chance to orgainze my thoughts.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
something a friend posted
Hi there-
My friend Chitra has a friend who wrote a special poem/story. I want to repost it here:
Lessons in Love................. By Roy Nwaisser
A ninety-one year old woman died after living a long dignified life. When she met God she asked him something that had long bothered her. If Man was created in God's image, and if all men are created equal, why do people treat each other so badly?
God replied that each person who enters our life has a unique lesson to teach us. And it is only through these lessons that we learn about life, people, relationships and God. This confused the woman, so God began to explain.
When someone lies to you it teaches you that things are not always as they seem. The truth is often far beneath the surface. Look beyond the masks people wear if you want to know their heart. And remove your own masks to let people know yours.
When someone steals from you it teaches you that nothing is forever. Always appreciate what you have, for you never know when you might lose it. And never, ever take your friends and family for granted because today is the only guarantee you have.
When someone inflicts an injury upon you it teaches you that the human state is a fragile one. Protect and take care of your body as best you can, it's the only thing you are sure to have forever.
When someone mocks you it teaches you that no two people are alike. When you encounter people who are different from you, don't judge them by how they look or act; instead base your opinion on the contents of their heart.
When someone breaks your heart it teaches you that loving someone does not always mean that person will love you back. But don't turn your back on love because when you find the right person, the joy that one person brings will make up for all the past hurts put together. Times ten.
When someone holds a grudge against you it teaches you that everyone makes mistakes. When you are wronged, the most virtuous thing you can do is forgive the offender without pretense. Forgiving those who have hurt us is the most difficult and courageous thing Man can do.
When a loved one is unfaithful to you it teaches you that resisting temptation is Man's greatest challenge. Be vigilant in your resistance against all temptation. By doing so you will be rewarded with an enduring sense of satisfaction far greater than the temporary pleasure by which you were tempted.
When someone cheats you, it teaches you that greed is the root of all evil. Aspire to make your dreams come true, no matter how lofty they may be. Do not feel guilty about your success, but never let an obsession with achieving your goals lead you to engage in malevolent activities.
When someone ridicules you it teaches you that nobody is perfect. Accept people for their merits and be tolerant of their flaws. Do not ever reject someone for imperfections over which they have no control.
Upon hearing the Lord's wisdom, the old woman became concerned that there were no lessons to be learned from Man's good deeds.
God replied that Man's capacity to love is the greatest gift he has. At the root of all kindness is love, and each act of love also teaches us a lesson.
The woman's curiosity deepening, God once again began to explain.
When someone loves us it teaches us that love, kindness, charity, honesty, humility, forgiveness and acceptance can counteract all the evil in the world. For every good deed, there is one less evil deed. Man alone has the power to control the balance between good and evil, but because the lessons of love are not taught often enough, the power is too often abused.
When you enter someone's life, whether by plan, chance or coincidence, consider what your lesson will be. Will you teach love or a harsh lesson of reality? When you die will your life have resulted in more loving or hurting? More comfort or pain? More joy or sadness?
Each one of us has power over the balance of love in the world. Use it wisely. Don't miss an opportunity to nudge the world's scale in the right direction. Pass this lesson of love on to those you love and to those you have hurt. For each person who receives this, there will be a little less evil in the world and a little more love.
About the Author (Roy Nwaisser) :
I went through a difficult period in the latter half of 2000. It felt like an endless string of one bad thing after another was happening to me. Much of the pain was caused by people who did things with no regard for the impact their actions would have on me. As I reflected on why people do things to hurt one another, I wrote this essay trying to find some good in all the bad.
I was initially reluctant to share the story because it's very personal. In fact, the 91 year old woman is my grandmother who had recently passed away. I eventually found the courage to let a few friends see the story and they liked it (or so they said - as good friends are apt to do). Some of them even encouraged me to share it with others. So here it is in hope that it might touch, inspire, encourage or enlighten just a few people in the world.
Just something to think about.
My friend Chitra has a friend who wrote a special poem/story. I want to repost it here:
Lessons in Love................. By Roy Nwaisser
A ninety-one year old woman died after living a long dignified life. When she met God she asked him something that had long bothered her. If Man was created in God's image, and if all men are created equal, why do people treat each other so badly?
God replied that each person who enters our life has a unique lesson to teach us. And it is only through these lessons that we learn about life, people, relationships and God. This confused the woman, so God began to explain.
When someone lies to you it teaches you that things are not always as they seem. The truth is often far beneath the surface. Look beyond the masks people wear if you want to know their heart. And remove your own masks to let people know yours.
When someone steals from you it teaches you that nothing is forever. Always appreciate what you have, for you never know when you might lose it. And never, ever take your friends and family for granted because today is the only guarantee you have.
When someone inflicts an injury upon you it teaches you that the human state is a fragile one. Protect and take care of your body as best you can, it's the only thing you are sure to have forever.
When someone mocks you it teaches you that no two people are alike. When you encounter people who are different from you, don't judge them by how they look or act; instead base your opinion on the contents of their heart.
When someone breaks your heart it teaches you that loving someone does not always mean that person will love you back. But don't turn your back on love because when you find the right person, the joy that one person brings will make up for all the past hurts put together. Times ten.
When someone holds a grudge against you it teaches you that everyone makes mistakes. When you are wronged, the most virtuous thing you can do is forgive the offender without pretense. Forgiving those who have hurt us is the most difficult and courageous thing Man can do.
When a loved one is unfaithful to you it teaches you that resisting temptation is Man's greatest challenge. Be vigilant in your resistance against all temptation. By doing so you will be rewarded with an enduring sense of satisfaction far greater than the temporary pleasure by which you were tempted.
When someone cheats you, it teaches you that greed is the root of all evil. Aspire to make your dreams come true, no matter how lofty they may be. Do not feel guilty about your success, but never let an obsession with achieving your goals lead you to engage in malevolent activities.
When someone ridicules you it teaches you that nobody is perfect. Accept people for their merits and be tolerant of their flaws. Do not ever reject someone for imperfections over which they have no control.
Upon hearing the Lord's wisdom, the old woman became concerned that there were no lessons to be learned from Man's good deeds.
God replied that Man's capacity to love is the greatest gift he has. At the root of all kindness is love, and each act of love also teaches us a lesson.
The woman's curiosity deepening, God once again began to explain.
When someone loves us it teaches us that love, kindness, charity, honesty, humility, forgiveness and acceptance can counteract all the evil in the world. For every good deed, there is one less evil deed. Man alone has the power to control the balance between good and evil, but because the lessons of love are not taught often enough, the power is too often abused.
When you enter someone's life, whether by plan, chance or coincidence, consider what your lesson will be. Will you teach love or a harsh lesson of reality? When you die will your life have resulted in more loving or hurting? More comfort or pain? More joy or sadness?
Each one of us has power over the balance of love in the world. Use it wisely. Don't miss an opportunity to nudge the world's scale in the right direction. Pass this lesson of love on to those you love and to those you have hurt. For each person who receives this, there will be a little less evil in the world and a little more love.
About the Author (Roy Nwaisser) :
I went through a difficult period in the latter half of 2000. It felt like an endless string of one bad thing after another was happening to me. Much of the pain was caused by people who did things with no regard for the impact their actions would have on me. As I reflected on why people do things to hurt one another, I wrote this essay trying to find some good in all the bad.
I was initially reluctant to share the story because it's very personal. In fact, the 91 year old woman is my grandmother who had recently passed away. I eventually found the courage to let a few friends see the story and they liked it (or so they said - as good friends are apt to do). Some of them even encouraged me to share it with others. So here it is in hope that it might touch, inspire, encourage or enlighten just a few people in the world.
Just something to think about.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Where is he?
I have serious questions. I want to know why our so-called President is doing nothing while one side of the world is falling apart? I want to know why the US economy is in the crapper when the TARP money is almost 100% paid back? I want to know why the Governor of California hasn't done a thing since getting into office that makes a difference? I want to know how I'm supposed to be positive when there is more negative things happening in the world?
I want to know why people have become lazy and demand handouts. I want to know who is really in charge and controlling the world. I want to know why I'm alone. I want to know why some people hate me. I want to know what it feels like to be in love with someone who loves me back. I want to know how it feels to have a family of my own. I want to know when life is supposed to become enjoyable again. I want to know how I can stop hating myself. I want to know why I am suffering all the time. I want to know why.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings.
I want to know why people have become lazy and demand handouts. I want to know who is really in charge and controlling the world. I want to know why I'm alone. I want to know why some people hate me. I want to know what it feels like to be in love with someone who loves me back. I want to know how it feels to have a family of my own. I want to know when life is supposed to become enjoyable again. I want to know how I can stop hating myself. I want to know why I am suffering all the time. I want to know why.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
I've noticed something again...
Sitting here at my computer thinking about everything I've dealt with over the past few months I've come to many realizations. SOme I'm going to keep to myself because they are a little more private and embarassing than I'm willing to put out there just yet.
One of them is that some of the people I consider friends at one of the places I hang out with are not really friends. They dont treat me like someone they'd like to spend time with. In fact, I have been picking up an undertone of grumbling and disliking of the fact that I came in for a meal. Am I that horrid of a person? Or have I become what I was afraid of being?
Years ago, when I was in college, actually just before I graduated, when I went into a popular 24 hour study hangout, I saw an older gentleman. He was sitting alone eating his dinner and reading a worn paperback book. He was quiet and generally was ignored by everyone who worked there. After an hour or so working I happened to look up and see him pay his bill and shuffle out. He looked defeated and overly sad.
When I came home tonight, I looked in the mirror as I washed up after using the bathroom. I saw that man. I realize when I go out and do things, I am alone. Now sometimes that's okay, but recently I discovered that I am back to being very depressed and lonely. I've tried to date and have gone out with a few really nice women whom I could see myself dating more. But they lose interest in me after a few dates and give me the "Let's be friends" line. My life has become a cliche of everyone telling me I'm a great catch and me never getting caught, so to speak.
I'm not sure how much more I should write. Anyway...thanks for reading. I'm going to sleep now.
One of them is that some of the people I consider friends at one of the places I hang out with are not really friends. They dont treat me like someone they'd like to spend time with. In fact, I have been picking up an undertone of grumbling and disliking of the fact that I came in for a meal. Am I that horrid of a person? Or have I become what I was afraid of being?
Years ago, when I was in college, actually just before I graduated, when I went into a popular 24 hour study hangout, I saw an older gentleman. He was sitting alone eating his dinner and reading a worn paperback book. He was quiet and generally was ignored by everyone who worked there. After an hour or so working I happened to look up and see him pay his bill and shuffle out. He looked defeated and overly sad.
When I came home tonight, I looked in the mirror as I washed up after using the bathroom. I saw that man. I realize when I go out and do things, I am alone. Now sometimes that's okay, but recently I discovered that I am back to being very depressed and lonely. I've tried to date and have gone out with a few really nice women whom I could see myself dating more. But they lose interest in me after a few dates and give me the "Let's be friends" line. My life has become a cliche of everyone telling me I'm a great catch and me never getting caught, so to speak.
I'm not sure how much more I should write. Anyway...thanks for reading. I'm going to sleep now.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Interesting observation
I went out to dinner tonight at one of my favorite places. Since it's one of my favorite places, I know most of the servers there. So...since it's the V-day, I brought some cupcakes I made. I wanted to show them that even though they were working on V-day someone cares enough to make them something special instead of buying something premade. When I came in, I was welcomed by the hostess and she asked me about the goodies I brought. As I was allowing her to pick one of the goodies, two of the drunk pricks sitting at the bar made remarks about me. They said the only way I get any attention is to bring things in for the girls there. It bothered me. Seriously.
But, as I was munching down on my dinner, I had a thought. I realized I chose to come in and eat. These pricks who made me feel bad seem to only come in, drink beer (a lot) and leer at the servers. I tend to go and eat, usual bringing a book or something else to read. I eat, am very quiet and talk to the girls, not at their boobs like the guys who made fun of me.
So who is the freak? The person who treats the girls with respect and doesn't really take up much space or a bunch of drunk pricks who get off hitting on girls and acting like dickheads? Sometimes reality doesn't fit. I'm just saying...
But, as I was munching down on my dinner, I had a thought. I realized I chose to come in and eat. These pricks who made me feel bad seem to only come in, drink beer (a lot) and leer at the servers. I tend to go and eat, usual bringing a book or something else to read. I eat, am very quiet and talk to the girls, not at their boobs like the guys who made fun of me.
So who is the freak? The person who treats the girls with respect and doesn't really take up much space or a bunch of drunk pricks who get off hitting on girls and acting like dickheads? Sometimes reality doesn't fit. I'm just saying...
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
3 faces of a person
Here's something that I've been figuring out over the past couple of hours of non-sleep:
we all are 3 different people. Each of us has 3 distinct personalities. Here are my discriptions:
1) the public face - everyone has a public face they put out when they are in public. typically it is the face we show strangers and people we just meet. It is the face of the hidden person, but the one we hope we are.
2) the personal face - this is the one that all our friends and people who know us see. it is the one that allows us to have a more relaxed sense of being and those who know us can see more of the real us.
3)the private face - this is the one you only show yourself. it is the face that shows all your insecurities, private thoughts and fears. This is our true face. The one that shows who we are.
Everyone hides who we really are. Only those of us who have courage continue to try and incorporate all 3 faces into one true example of who we really are. I'm still trying to figure it out. More later.
we all are 3 different people. Each of us has 3 distinct personalities. Here are my discriptions:
1) the public face - everyone has a public face they put out when they are in public. typically it is the face we show strangers and people we just meet. It is the face of the hidden person, but the one we hope we are.
2) the personal face - this is the one that all our friends and people who know us see. it is the one that allows us to have a more relaxed sense of being and those who know us can see more of the real us.
3)the private face - this is the one you only show yourself. it is the face that shows all your insecurities, private thoughts and fears. This is our true face. The one that shows who we are.
Everyone hides who we really are. Only those of us who have courage continue to try and incorporate all 3 faces into one true example of who we really are. I'm still trying to figure it out. More later.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Another weekend gone
Well, it's another Sunday night and I am reviewing my accomplishments since last Friday. Total accomplishments...0. Looks like I have wasted another wonderful weekend. I did a lot of thinking and still don't know what my life is supposed to be doing. I think I'm supposed to just take up some space and feel like crap all the time. Who knows? No one seems to be reading me so I guess this is a cathartic memoir of what I'm going through as I try and figure out who and what I am becoming.
Anyway, I am off for now. Peace!
Anyway, I am off for now. Peace!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
the funny thing...
I've noticed a funny thing in my life recently. I don't quite fit in. I exist on the edge of everything. Today was my 6 year anniversary in being employed with the state. When I first started, it was all new and amazing. Now, it's old and sorta boring. Nothing seems to fit anymore. My clothes, my perceptions of the job, everything. I feel like I'm in a box of some sort and have limited access to reality or am blocked from seeing what's around me.
after my birthday last week, I thought that some things would make sense and I would be able to go out and feel better about myself. if anything, I feel more lost and alone than ever before. My dad and step mom expressed concern and worry about me and want me to get out and meet people. I agreed with them because I didnt want to fight. I keep asking myself how do I fit in with people when I dont understand them. I can talk to people about payroll taxes and business things but ask me to relate to people about normal everyday things and I am absolutely lost.
Well, I've rambled on for a while about my insecutrities a little. Let me know what you thing, if anyone is reading my thoughts.
after my birthday last week, I thought that some things would make sense and I would be able to go out and feel better about myself. if anything, I feel more lost and alone than ever before. My dad and step mom expressed concern and worry about me and want me to get out and meet people. I agreed with them because I didnt want to fight. I keep asking myself how do I fit in with people when I dont understand them. I can talk to people about payroll taxes and business things but ask me to relate to people about normal everyday things and I am absolutely lost.
Well, I've rambled on for a while about my insecutrities a little. Let me know what you thing, if anyone is reading my thoughts.
Monday, January 31, 2011
so far...
it seems that I'm just writing to put my thoughts down so I can possibly free myself of my insanity. WHo knows? I guess I'll write more when I have more of an idea about what else I need to do.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
A good day...mostly
My dad and stepmom came up today for the day because Dottie, my stepmom, has to take a special test for her to get her brokerage license. It was nice. We went out for sushi and hung out. It was a good day.
Time flies when you're passed out
Today was a first for me. I donated platelets for the first time. It was interesting. My brain is foggy so I'll post more tomorrow morning when I'm more aware.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
notes continued...
It always seems that when I want to relax, I end up working on something that kills my relaxation and adds stress. I am very proud of my long distance friend Chitra (http://chitrasmindblog.blogspot.com/) score on her test that she studied for for hours.
I've actually know Chrita for about 25 years or so. Although we never really made it to a couple, we were close years ago when we first knew each other. And thanks to Facebook, we reconnected. I saw her in August when I went up to Oregon to visit my brother and his family. I haven't seen her at this point for almost 19 years or so. She was incredible. We talked and talked for hours. It was amazing. I hope things will slowly start to go our way and see what can happen together.
Anyway, I'm tired and want to rest before I go to bed. Let me know what you think.
I've actually know Chrita for about 25 years or so. Although we never really made it to a couple, we were close years ago when we first knew each other. And thanks to Facebook, we reconnected. I saw her in August when I went up to Oregon to visit my brother and his family. I haven't seen her at this point for almost 19 years or so. She was incredible. We talked and talked for hours. It was amazing. I hope things will slowly start to go our way and see what can happen together.
Anyway, I'm tired and want to rest before I go to bed. Let me know what you think.
As days continue...
Well, faithful readers, the day has past, the die was cast. I turned 38 yesterday and while I was understandably sad that another day of my life has passed, I was unable to post my thoughts and feelings like I had promised myself I would. It seems when I installed the new monitor my brother sent me as a gift for my birthday, I seemed to have tweaked my internet connection and was off line for about 10 hours. When I woke this morning, I found I forgot to reset my wireless router and boom. It worked again. I feel stupid because I forgot the wireless router. So here we are.
My new monitor doesn't quite fit the shelf in my computer desk. But it's okay. I got the monitor to fit with minimal effort so I have a much nicer and larger monitor. Anyway, I'll post more after work today. Have a good day.
My new monitor doesn't quite fit the shelf in my computer desk. But it's okay. I got the monitor to fit with minimal effort so I have a much nicer and larger monitor. Anyway, I'll post more after work today. Have a good day.
Monday, January 24, 2011
You are now entering the domain of the Edge of Insanity
Hi. I guess this is something I've probably needed to do for a very long time. I'm Kory. I just turned 38 and realized there are many aspects of my life that I really hate and I think just writing this stuff down will help me get some kind of perspective. I made a lot of very stupid, bad, and otherwise wrong judgements the ultimately ended up in creating the life I have. I'm hopeful that whoever decides to read my thoughts and commentary about life, the universe and a cat named Felix can understand who I've become, the journey of my life and the decisions I may need to be forced to make to hopefully get my life on a better track.
I recently re-connected with someone whom I was close with many years ago. Trouble is, I never had the type of confidence needed to actually do something about it and let her slip out of my life. Thanks to Facebook and a few well placed lucky guesses, we reconnected. We talked and I felt the comfortable closeness we had way back when start back up. However, in the interviening 19 or so years since last we saw each other, many different thing had changed. And, as usual, I jusped the gun and scared her away for a few months. I went up to visit my brother in Portland, Oregon. My friend just so happens to live roughly 5 miles away from my brother. We finally connected and had an amazing few hours drinking coffee. And it freaked her out. We just recently started talking again and it was her inspiration that I start up this. When I was younger, I thought I had a great future. Now I hope I just have a future where I have a job, some money, and someone to come home to.
I recently re-connected with someone whom I was close with many years ago. Trouble is, I never had the type of confidence needed to actually do something about it and let her slip out of my life. Thanks to Facebook and a few well placed lucky guesses, we reconnected. We talked and I felt the comfortable closeness we had way back when start back up. However, in the interviening 19 or so years since last we saw each other, many different thing had changed. And, as usual, I jusped the gun and scared her away for a few months. I went up to visit my brother in Portland, Oregon. My friend just so happens to live roughly 5 miles away from my brother. We finally connected and had an amazing few hours drinking coffee. And it freaked her out. We just recently started talking again and it was her inspiration that I start up this. When I was younger, I thought I had a great future. Now I hope I just have a future where I have a job, some money, and someone to come home to.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)